| From the Guardian Weekend |
| Housing Benefit Hill |
| "IT’S BEEN a long time since I last saw
Housing Benefit Hill. More than two years, in fact. Even
then it had changed." |
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| From 'Prediction' magazine |
| Elvis has left the haunted
building |
| When people ask me about my belief
system, I always say that I am a sceptic. By which I mean: I
neither believe nor disbelieve, but rather choose to reserve
my judgement on most things. |
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| From the Whitstable Times |
| A Comedy of Terror |
| "Al Qaeda, remember, were the guys who
hijacked four planes and blew out the heart of New York. So
now they have changed their tactics it seems. No longer
satisfied with ruthless efficiency, they've decided to try
stupidity instead...." |
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| Drug Problem or Drug Solutions? |
| "Ask yourself this: why is there more
crime on this planet now than there used to be? Part of the
reason, surely, is that we have made more things
illegal...." |
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| Asylum |
| "In the controversy surrounding the issue
of asylum seekers, we tend to forget some of the very real
human stories that lie behind it...." |
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| Welcome To The Future |
| "If someone on the outside presses the
button for opening the door, then the door will swish open
gracefully, leaving you fully exposed to the strategically
placed seat opposite...." |
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| From 'The Big Issue' |
| One of Those Days |
| "It was one of those days. First of all a
kid threw his bicycle onto the railway line. He was mucking
about, spinning the bike in the air to show off to his mates
when, all of a sudden, he lost his grip. It went sailing
across the track in awful slow motion, and then landed
directly on the live rail. There was a puff of smoke, a
flash of blue light, and a loud crack. It was like one of
those pantomime special effects. You expected a genie to
appear." |
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| Alien Insect Man |
"Meet Steve. 6'2", balding, with a sort
of Egyptian headdress of dreadlocks dangling round his ears.
He's an alien.
He's not joking. He can't remember exactly when he arrived
on this planet. All he knows is that he can't possibly be
from Earth. It's too weird here." |
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| You Can Write To King Arthur |
"I went over to see King Arthur at
Stonehenge.
In case you don’t know him: King Arthur is this ex-biker,
ex-soldier, ex-builder (not necessarily in that order) who
had a brainstorm back in the eighties and decided he was
King Arthur, after which he donned a white frock and a
circlet, and has been causing various kinds of trouble ever
since.
I wrote a book with him once" |
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