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*new*
Weston-super-Mare
Worle is just horrible. It's miles and miles of dinky lego-land,
'70s and '80s housing, just off the M5, with twitching
curtains and people who like to polish their cars endlessly,
with two utterly soulless pubs, and nothing else to
do but to drive to the shops.
Birmingham
The
Birmingham city motto is "Forward!" Just that, no more.
You see it on all the public buildings, underneath the
crest. It's as if the forward movement is enough, and
never mind where, exactly, it's supposed to be going
forward to.
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“Mike
went out into the back garden with her, and I could
see them embracing. He was comforting her. He came back
to tell me that her cat had died. "He was the first
cat I ever liked," he said. Every so often after that
his eyes would glaze over. "Are you all right Mike?"
I would ask. "I'm thinking about the cat," he'd say,
before shaking himself out of the mood.”
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Poole
To
be honest, it was more awkward than I had imagined.
I was in Poole in Dorset, meeting an old pupil of mine.
I used to teach English as a foreign language. The ex-pupil's
name is Vera. She's twenty four now, and has just qualified
as a Nurse. When I'd known her she was eighteen. We'd
had this brief, innocent romance. It had mainly involved
long walks along the beach holding hands, and deep conversations
looking into each other's eyes.
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Charlton
"So
how was your first football match?" the woman asked.
"Well I learned that when Charlton Athletic score
we all go ,'Fwroar!' - like that. But when the other
side scores, we all go, 'we wuz robbed.' That's what
I learned."
Later a couple of blokes asked me if I minded them sharing
my table. "Not at all," I said, and I started
chatting to them. After a while one of them said, "I'm
bored with hearing the sound of your voice. I wish you'd
shut-up."
"What is it about London?" I said. "Anywhere
else in the country and people like to talk."
"So why don't you move there then?
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“Charlton is working class, relentlessly, uncompromisingly,
unashamedly so.”
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Renfrew
"Hey Scoob: did you just break into my house?"
"Whaaaat?"
"Little Jimmy told us. He says he saw you..."
"Hey listen. I don't do that. You know me. I don't
break into people's houses."
"Jimmy says he saw you with Linda carrying all
our stuff away. She's taken the wains toys. Left the
video, but took the toys."
"Oh no! I helped her to carry it. I was just doin'
my gentlemanly bit, you know. She was strugglin' with
all this stuff, an' I just helped her to carry it, that's
all." more
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Ely
Who is this speaking please?" said Steve,
in his best, efficient secretary's voice.
"It's Van Morrison."
Well you can imagine it. It's Van Morrison on the end
of the phone. THE Van Morrison, Steve's hero. Steve
was just dumb-struck, stunned by the enormity of the
occasion. He started to babble down the phone.
"Oh, um, yeah, like, I've, I've always been a,
well, like, a great fan of yours," he said.
"Yeah?" said Van Morrison.
"Yeah, yeah, really, yeah. So what… um…
what shall I… er… is there any…"
and on like this: a string of incomprehensible gibberish.
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“We
went into Boots and discovered there was a special offer
on. Three sandwiches, a bag of crisps and a can of cola
for £1.50. Well I know that there's a Boots the
Chemist in almost every town, and I guess they had the
same offer in every branch at the time, but as an introduction
to Swansea it seemed a hopeful sign.“
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Swansea
Afterwards
we went to the pub. "I've got a story for you,"
said Steve.
"Great," I said, getting out my notebook,
and looking forward to another helter-skelter ride into
madness and mayhem.
"I came to see Roy Harper here," he said.
"Yeah?" I said.
"Yeah. And I got in for nothing."
"Ye-ah?"
"Yeah. I was on the merchandise desk. I sold one
of his records for him."
"Hmmmm?"
"And then I got a lift home."
"And?"
"And that's it."
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