"Written
in Stone" is the main monthly column of
the website,
published online every month.
Sometimes serious, sometimes irreverent, sometimes
sharp and often funny, but definitely always, always
CJ.
|
- new
dec04 Money... Do
you drink semi-skimmed milk ? Would you
like to save money? Well here’s how. Buy
a pint carton of full cream milk. Put it in a two
pint container. Top it up with water. Voila: semi-skimmed
milk, two pints for the price of one.
- new
nov04
Four
More Years. Oh
well. Four more years of George “Dubya” Bush
in the White House. Four more years of Guantanamo
Bay and Abu Graib and deadly threatening postures
against anyone in the world who doesn’t
buy into the reality of the New American Century
and its economic priority, which can be easily
summarised by the following phrase: “to
the rich, even more, to the poor, even less“.
Aug
24/04- Column 12>> Down
in the Dumps - The
day before I had also taken
two doses of a heavy duty laxative
(one in the morning and one
in the afternoon) which had
had me leaping to the toilet
every five minutes, while a
veritable rocket-blast of liquid
effluent came roaring from
my bum. I’m
sure that I was raised at least
two inches from the toilet
seat with the force of the
explosion.
-
-
April 11th - Column 10>> LUNCHTIME
IN BAGHDAD.
- It’s
not that dictators shouldn’t be opposed, of course,
in all ways we can. It’s just that that’s
not really the reason the Americans are going into Baghdad,
as any clear observation of the record will show. And
it’s not that we don’t want to see real democracies
spreading around the earth, just that this is also not
the reason.
For
the Americans "democracy" is just a euphemism
for "free trade", itself a euphemism for economic
control by the corporations and the elites, for
continual exploitation and profit.
-
1st December 02- 09>> Rumour
-
I heard that a couple of friends of mine had split up.
It was exactly the same person who had told me that I
was having a relationship who told me this, so I was not
inclined to believe it. Nevertheless, it preyed upon me.
I've had my own losses in the past, some of which some
people might say I never quite got over. I'll neither
confirm nor deny that. But the memories are there. You
can never quite wipe memories away.
more>>
-
October 05 02>> A
HISTORY OF DONUTS... (OR
SHOULD THAT BE: DOUGHNUTS?)
I mean, who first thought of deep-frying dough so that
it sucks up the fat and then swells up in this way, going
a nice shade of golden brown into the bargain?
Probably the same person who considered deep-frying Mars
Bars I imagine, and for the same reason.
If
it’s edible in even the most nominal way, then it’s
available to be fried.
You
can fry anything, let’s face it.
I
deep-fried a Benson and Hedges once, to see if it would
improve the flavour.
more>>
-
September
02 02- Not A History of Donuts - DON'T
ATTACK IRAQ. -
"Few
of us can easily surrender our belief that society must
somehow make sense. The thought that the state has lost
its mind and is punishing so many innocent people is intolerable.
And so the evidence has to be internally denied."- Arthur Miller, playwright
I'm
going to start off by stating the obvious. You'll have
to forgive me for this. I'm not trying to underestimate
your intelligence, it's just that certain things need
saying. We have to start on a point of agreement and work
from there.
OK, here's the obvious statement.
When an Iraqi child dies an Iraqi mother grieves. That's
simple. When an Iraqi woman loses her child her pain is
as great as it would have been had she been British or
American or French or Spanish or whatever other nationality
you can name. Certain human experiences are universal,
grief is one of them. more>>>
-
August
01 02>> Internet
Stalkers (Part Two)- We
sat in a room full of thoughts in the suburbs of our city
with a mountain range between us. I could hear your voice
and you could hear mine. We heard all the words. But it
was like neither of us was really there.
-
July05 02>> Internet
Stalkers (Part One)- you can't deny that you
have visited porn sites in the past. It's just curiosity
really. Most people do. You get access to the net and
you know there's all that porn stuff floating around out
there, wafting about on the airwaves like rags on a line,
and you do: you take a look.
-
June04
02 >> The History
of Sleep - Suddenly I came to a door. It was
so familiar, that door, as if I had known about it all
my life, as if it had always been there. I opened it and
stepped through. Into... Into... Where?
- May03
02 >> The
History of Sex (Part One) - Actually I
think it was me who invented sex. This was sometime in the
early sixties. I invented it all by myself, in bed one night.
- April02
02 >> A
History of Drinking (Part Two)
- I
went into my first pub at the age of fifteen, when it was
1/8d a pint. I had my first job behind a bar, fell in love
with my first girlfriend in there, and was promptly sacked
for snogging her too wildly. We were embarrassing the customers,
they said.
-
|
